What I now Know

Good morning! I've got a feeling that sooner rather than later I will find the whereabouts of Tommy Ward. For now, let me fill you in on the latest updates. My Aunt Sue wrote me and said that the last time she saw Tommy was in 1985 at a bar in Naugatuck (they were high school classmates). At the bar they caught up and exchanged phone numbers. Later that night Tommy called her at home, at 2 AM, and they talked for several hours). I have no clue as to what they discussed, but the more I learn about Tommy, the more I realize he was troubled. Most accounts of him reveal that he drank a lot, and was depressed about his estrangement from his offspring. When I ask Mom about his financial situation, she says that she can't remember. She adds that he seemed to have steady employment, but no real career. Another issue, apparently Mom was "tricked" into identifying him as my father when she was receiving Food Stamps and other forms of government aid. According to her, she did not want to get him in any sort of trouble. But the last time they ran into each other he was upset with her, for the government had been trying to garnish his wages.

Naturally Mom wonders if he left Naugatuck to avoid legal hang-ups, but no one really knows when he left, where he went to, and where he is now. Aunt Sue promises to talk to some of her high school friends to see if are there are any leads. Uncle Mike knows his friend John Letts, and will see if he can find out more about Tommy through John. I have other relatives and friends who are ready to formally investigate where he might be (once we can gather just a bit more information).

This is my update. I'm nervous about who Tommy Ward might be now, if he's still alive. I hope he's well, happy, and ready to meet me, but I can't be sure.

Entry 2: Words from Mom

Hi, followers, late night blog rollers, friends and family--here's the second installment of my self-started saga. I have to be honest, I started this to get my name out there, give agents and editors something to google at as they scan my manuscript pages. But as the launch date approached, I felt extremely anxious. Why couldn't I have chosen a more neutral topic such as "How to overcome Writer's Block" (but then that would require an answer, or suggestions...) or "How to Teach and Write and Not go Crazy." The later would also be difficult since I'm crazy (as my students, colleagues, friends, and family can attest to). But I longed for a platform that could grow, and eventually lead to resolution. Not to mention, the search for my father came to mind over and over again like debris from a dream--no matter how much I wanted to will the idea away it kept coming back.

Now that I've started, I do feel brave, and vulnerable, and exposed, but hey, that's what being a writer is about. If I protected myself from exposing my insecurities then my readers would feel shut out, not pulled in. Virginia Woolf writes, "A good essay must have this permanent quality about it; it must draw its curtain round us, but it must be a curtain that shuts us in not out." But how much of our self exposure is fair? In memoir we must constantly address this issue as we explore our relationships with family, partners, and friends. This blog doesn't just expose me, it also leads my Mom back to a time and place she would often like to forget. But as her last e-mail stated, she remains the "proudest mother on earth."

Even though we live close by, most of our communication is handled through Face Book and e-mail. A few days ago she went in depth about the particulars of my dad. She said of my search (and she's allowed me to quote her), "It does go back to chapters in my life which for me are best left behind, but those choices way back when were yours as well, I see now." As you can see, she's a pretty great mom. While she accepts my choice, she admits to her hesitation, but manages to place me before her own insecurities.

She goes on to say that, "I hope he [my dad] is still charming, witty and handsome in that Robert Wagner way." Who's Robert Wagner?


Hmmm...So that's what he looked like? Interesting. On to more specific details: His first name was Tommy. He had been separated from his wife, Mom can't remember her name. He had a four-year old son at the time of their affair. Their son's name is Chris Ward. Apparently both mother and son moved to Jersey around the time I was born. Tom stayed behind. Mom remembers his good friend John Letts (who had won the lottery) and may still be in touch with Tommy.

I sent a message to Uncle Mike with my updates, and will keep you posted.
Thanks for all of your support!

Best, A.E.

Update

I talked to my Mom and she may have some leads. I will update Wednesday! Thanks for the support so far.